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‘Tis the season. The holidays are coming up and to compound the stress of navigating family dynamics, shopping, cooking, and spending more energy with fewer daylight hours to recharge…we have an election to contend with.
Several years ago, I started working with a business coach who taught me 12 micro-mindfulness skills to help me navigate the challenges of business ownership and leadership, and one of the first ones she taught me was, “Upset Is Optional.”
My favorite thing about this skill is that it gives you back your agency in a situation you never chose to face. Upset Is Optional is not some uber-positive-thinking way of saying, “Don’t be upset because everything will be okay.” Not at all. Upset Is Optional means that you have the option - complete, free choice - to be upset in whatever situation you’re facing.
Sometimes, upset is completely appropriate, and being upset can give you clarity and motivation to do something about it.
Other times, being upset isn’t worth the emotional taxation. Either way, remember that you have the option to step back and evaluate:
Is this worth being upset about?
Am I or is someone I love being directly harmed as a result of this situation?
Can I safely let go of being upset about this?
Do I want to let go of my upset feelings?
Over the years, and through many upsets, I have learned when to tell if I should opt for Upset or not. Usually, if the situation could be resolved by setting a few clear boundaries, I opt for the upset and use that emotion to get very clear about which boundaries I think have been crossed. Sometimes, if the situation is not going to have long-term consequences, I’ll opt to be upset for a day or two to allow myself to feel those feelings thoroughly before ultimately letting them go.
Simply knowing that I have this choice - that I can choose to be upset if it’s appropriate or I can choose not to be upset if the effort ultimately isn’t worth it - gives me back a sense of empowerment in the situation. Automatically, I feel more capable of moving forward (either direction!) simply because I made the choice to do it.
This skill does take some practice, but I’m willing to bet you’ll have plenty of opportunities in the next few months to do so. If you want some help with it, I’m leading a workshop series this month online on the top micro-mindfulness skills to help you through this stressful season. Sessions are recorded, so it’s not too late to sign up, even if you’re reading this a month late. Go to www.bridgesaom.com/workshops to find out more or call 724.453.4335 to sign up.
Laura Ellis is a licensed acupuncturist and owner of Bridges Acupuncture & Oriental Medicine. She has a B.A. in Human Development and Social Relations and is Trauma-Informed Care certified by Acupuncturists Without Borders.
--Laura Ellis, L.Ac.
724.453.4335
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